Today has been really hard.. seeing everybody with their friends and families and all the fireworks.. I didnt think they celebrated fourth of July here but sure enough there are tons of people partying.. but all of it just reminds me of my friends and family that I can't be with today. After holding it in for a few weeks I finally broke down and just had a good cry. I feel so sad and alone (alone in a way). We have been traveling around our mission to see and speak to the missionaries in the different zones which has been really neat but not being at our house today just makes it a bit worse. Usually our neighbors in our neighborhood all get together and to fireworks or friends will get together and go watch them at the golf course but not today, not next year, and not the next. Just thinking that I'll be gone for three years back for one and then gone for two again on my own mission. To be quite honest I really have been kind of having a hard time.. I try not to let it show but every hour there is a time when I just feel like hiding and crying. I know heavenly father is helping me through this and without him it would be much harder but its just hard and painful for me to think about not having my cousin and best friend minutes away from where I live and being able to talk to her or Josh who we wont even be able to see off on his mission.. he who is also one of my greatest friends.. I just feel so sad. I know things will get better but at the moment I'm having a hard time. I just need someone to talk to.. but I guess for now and always I need to keep talking to the lord.