Saturday, August 10, 2013

First Week of School

The first week of school was great!! Minus the first day haha but it was good. My classes are good a couple of them are really hard but it's okay I'll get things eventually. I have made some really nice friends and I'm so grateful for them. It's been so cool getting to know lots of different people from lots of different places with all sorts of different personalities. Already it's been a pretty neat experience!  The only thing that had been getting me down this week is the Spanish. I want so badly to speak it! All of my friends speak it but I don't (well at least not a lot) and I have been trying so hard to pick it up but it's not exactly that easy. Even though I don't think I am I feel slightly out of place. I slightly feel like I don't belong here but I feel that I will or just can't see it. Satan has been putting my thoughts in my mind all week weather its in class where he puts the thoughts "You can't do this, you're too stupid. You'll never get this, you'll fail." Or weather its just walking "You're going to trip and embarrass yourself." Or even with friends "They don't want you here, you're just the last wheel. You're stupid you should just be alone. No one wants you anywhere.". Those are the thoughts he has been putting in my head and in my head I keep telling him to cut it out or I try to push them to the back of my mind put when I do that they always tend to linger. I have been trying so hard to keep myself together and stay strong and for the most part I have but it's always those little thoughts that pop into my head that just make me want to scream. But I know I can do this I just gotta hold on and not give up. In the past giving up has many times been the first resort but I'm not going to do that here. I can't. I don't know why but physically and mentally I cant like I've tried to just let go of things but I can't and that is where I can feel heavenly father helping me. On Thursday we got Josh's letter but as always we have our conversations on the side of the family letter and he was telling me how when he was praying on Monday he had the distinct impression to pray for me and he asked heavenly father to tell me he loved me and that I would be okay. Which of course he didn't know what was going on because he hadn't gotten my letter yet, he wouldn't until Thursday. So, In the bathroom sitting against the wall crying on Monday I heard those words. That was one of the coolest experiences ever. I was thinking about doing something that night and I don't think I would have done it but even thinking it hurt me and then I felt those words and I picked myself up off that ground and for that minute I felt strong. Invincible. Like nothing could stop me. Like someone was holding me up. And then instead of letting the worl act upon me I went and acted for myself. Yes there will be hard times but heavenly father is going to be there to hold you up. I know more hard things are on there way but I feel I have more strength to do it.

No comments:

Post a Comment